Ice, Ice, Baby!

Well thanks to a little research on the internet I discovered the greatest secret in the history of injections. ICE!!! Last night’s injection went so much better after I iced the area for 2 minutes just before hubby gave me the shot. It slightly numbs the area so you do not feel the pinch. I felt nothing... nice, nice, baby!!!

However, this shot was done in front of my almost 4 year old son, who did not like what daddy did to mommy. He then pummeled his daddy the likes of which neither of us have seen. He was so angry. Dear child could not verbalize what he was feeling and could only express anger at his daddy. We tried for 10 minutes to explain that daddy was not hurting mommy, just giving her medicine. Well his last memories of an injection was the awful H1N1 shot in his arm back in November. He said, “my arm still hurts mommy”! So he assumed that same pain was being inflicted on me by daddy of all people! Well he was overtired so the conversation did not go too well, and after he continued to lash out, we gave up, knowing he was milking it.

Waking this morning, the nerves kicked in big time. Breathing happens in the top portion of my lungs, stomach feels slightly nauseous and I go through the motions of getting myself ready, knowing all while the dreaded needle will happen within the hour. It amazes me that the logical side of me knows that the pain is absolutely minimal. But my brain gets so stressed out with the image of a sharp instrument piercing my tender belly fat that it completely takes over my thoughts. Logic has no place in the head of a needlephobe! We tried to get the shot done before my son woke, but as predicted the child walks into us as we are mid-shot. He clearly got over his trauma from the night before. He was not even phased or maybe he was not quite awake, because the first thing he said was “where’s my baa baa” (code for warm milk). So we guessed right, as tonight he asked to watch. Kids are so impressionable, if you overreact they will overreact. Our easy going nature made him okay with the procedure. Whew!

All morning I started to worry that each and every shot would require my nerves to get ratcheted up like a roller coaster. The slow, jerking, clicking and clacking up and up the first big hill. You finally slow as you near the crest, you dare not look down, you nervously look at your immediate surroundings, your hands are clammy and squeezing the bar until the knuckles are white and hurt. You breath is shallow and quick like you’ve been running, you feel your stomach is in your your left lung and then as you feel your car pull over the peak, you start to see ground below, and then the fall, it’s right there! Split second of holding your breath and then whooosshhh... Done. Over. Then sheer exhilaration, a euphoria that is like a high. You feel like you can do anything, be anything, do all those things on your bucket list but never thought you would get to.. it lasts for maybe 30 minutes. You grin from ear to ear... you love EVERYBODY, and become the Dalai Lama in your spiritual insights. The driver who cut me off on my way to the fertility clinic, who I had planned on castrating early that day? Post injection, I had decided he was having a terrible day and was in need of a hug. Bizarre. The whole roller coaster ride. And yet within about 2 hours before my scheduled shot, the nerves and stomach are in knots as I start the click, clack slow progression up that bloody hill again.

Tomorrow’s hill will be a big one. We start our second shots of Gonal-F in the epi pen. So two shots in the morning and night. Let’s hope the icepack helps, I have to keep my fears in check as much as I can, and try not give myself belly frost bite in my effort to numb the pain. I guess in reality I should be placing the ice pack on my head, it would appear numbing my mind would ultimately do the trick.