Friday, April 9, 2010


Okay no where on the “patient medical information” of my prescription for Estrogen did they say I would experience GAS. And lots of it. Both in the upper and lower octaves, if you know what I mean. Seriously, an open flame in our home would be dangerous.

They have half a page under WARNING, with every conceivable evil cancer that can befall a woman while taking this drug. Not to mention the increase risk of stroke, dementia and serious blood clots in the legs. Why should taking a hormone that is naturally found in a woman, be a death sentence? Thank goodness I am only on this for a week. The sides effects mentioned are dizziness, lightheadedness, headache, stomach upset, bloating, nausea, weight changes, increased/decreased interest in sex or breast tenderness. Gas? Nadda.

Now my hubby and I have had a long standing joke of how I will not fluff in front of him. (We use the word fluff not fart in this household thank you). I will burp up a storm, and have done so on many, many, many occasions. Case in point my pregnancy with my son. I popped Gas-X chewables like candy and still could not stop the nightly hour long gas mania. Now my hubby started to get fed up with all of it, although he is certainly no one to talk. He has never had any qualms of letting loose monstrous great burps, enough to shake the room. But mine were frustrating both of us as they gave me no relief. It culminated into one of the most ridiculous orchestras of bodily functions ever to have befallen my hubby’s ears. We had just arrived at my hubby’s parent’s home in Long Island and settled into bed. I was over 5 months pregnant and while the nausea was over, the gag reflex was not. I was also getting over a slight cold. So there I was settled into bed and the burping started. The room was dark and quiet but for the low hum of the heat vent above our bed. All that could be heard, was “burrrpppp”, burrrrppp, cough.. cough... bluheckk, bluheckk”! The coughing pushed my gag reflex, and I went into a full dry heave. (thus bluheckk!) After my second gas attack with the same results, my hubby sat up, put the light on and said “what the hell are you doing?” I had no idea just how ridiculous I sounded, until my hubby started to mimic me. I laughed so hard. We kept repeating the sound “ burrrppp, burrrpp, cough.. cough... bluheckk, bluhecckkk!!!!” We laughed so hard, tears were rolling down our cheeks. It was one of our more funny and endearing moments of my pregnancy.

So as I mentioned fluffing in front of my hubby or anyone else just doesn’t happen. I did have one exception, if I was asleep and I fluffed, well those didn’t count. A conscious letting go of gas in public is just not lady like. Thus an unconscious fluff was pardoned in my books. So to this day, if I start to feel things “percolating” downstairs and do not have another room to disappear to, I sit and pucker. With faced all scrunched up I pucker for all my worth. All the while my hubby gets annoyed, as he has said over and over again that he doesn’t care if I let them rip.

So here I am all gased up with Estrogen, burping like a trucker, but puckering like a lady.

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